Sunday, November 24, 2013

Why I Quit Cooking for my Step Kids

My Craving For Approval Was Ruining Their Appetites


I hung up my apron and turned off the stove because I was sick of hearing two little voices say "I don't like it."  Before you give me the ever-present judgmental attitude, let me explain.  It's been a bumpy road along the way to familial bliss for my boyfriend, his two boys and me. Our modern family has been more broken than innovative.  I tried to show my love for them with every "kid approved" recipe written.  But instead of turning our table into a scene from "The Brady Bunch" I was left trying to cheer lead my meals into their mouths.  

Our worlds were so far apart.  They were scared I was replacing their mother; I had no interest in trying to parent some other woman's kids.  I was tired, rejected and hurt so I did the mature thing.  I quit kitchen patrol.

Letting go of desperately trying to win them over released the self-imposed pressure of having the boys instantly adapt to my cooking and me.  It freed them from feeling required to like something they didn't: my food.  Once the pressure was off, the boys started to come around.  There was nothing left to resist.  They even went as far as eating (I’m talking devouring) an entire pan of my homemade Thomas Keller brownies at a family gathering.  After all the family and friends were gone, and we had wiped the frosting off their little faces I realized something had changed.  Their hearts had softened.  Not with chocolate brownies, or my tenth try at Mac n' Cheese from scratch or buttermilk waffles (huge fail by the way).  I had won them over by just being me.  A few years have passed and I still get a few food requests from time to time.  But the pressure is off!  I have learned their mini little taste buds have nothing to do with their acceptance of me!

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